黑洞社区

Bernard is just back from Florida, where he spent a lot of time watching the Olympics, but his whole family enjoyed Disneyworld: 鈥淢y son is 19 and still wanted to get Mickey鈥檚 autograph. We all got photos with him too, though. You鈥檝e got to get into the Disney spirit.鈥�

The Olympics are a predictably hot topic, but Laura reckons former rower Rebecca Romero鈥檚 success in cycling 鈥渕akes a bit of a farce of it all. There鈥檚 obviously not that much skill in just cycling round and round, is there?鈥� She鈥檚 shouted down by the men, who confess to sharing a love of the tactical finesse involved in the fine sport of women鈥檚 beach volleyball. Bernard professes enjoyment of the gymnastics too, but unfortunately he chooses to express this by saying: 鈥淚 like seeing men doing their thing on the mat.鈥�

I sat down on one Greyhound next to a guy who looked like a Hell鈥檚 Angel. He said: 鈥業 just got out of prison after serving Seven years for murder鈥�

He consequently takes some unfair stick for his tasteful leather manbag, and we collectively wonder what鈥檚 inside. Two issues of 黑洞社区, his 鈥渉oliday reading鈥�, are produced. What a wonderful man.

Ian didn鈥檛 have quite as leisurely an experience when he toured America in his youth: 鈥淚 sat down on one Greyhound bus next to a guy who looked like a Hell鈥檚 Angel. After a while he asked me what I was doing and I told him a bit about my travels and asked him the same. He said: 鈥業 just got out of prison 鈥� Seven years for murder.鈥� It was pretty scary.鈥�

My neighbour upstairs likes to entertain women in bed at four o鈥檆lock on a Monday morning. He does this weird tribal chanting sometimes

After a flying tour of the company鈥檚 culinary experiences abroad (taking in fried insects, snakes, and coca plants in countries from Sierra Leone to Pakistan) we arrive closer to home with the subject of terrible neighbours.

Chris had a hard time with an old dear next door who played her out-of-tune piano at weekends. 鈥淪he鈥檇 be playing Bach for the 10th time, so I鈥檇 just turn up my stereo really loud. It was usually the stuff I was enjoying at the time, Swing Out Sister, Fine Young Cannibals or Tears For Fears.鈥�

While clearly a man of impeccable taste, Chris鈥� story is immediately blown out of the water by Laura. 鈥淢y neighbour upstairs likes to entertain women in bed at four o鈥檆lock on the dot on a Monday morning, once a month. He doesn鈥檛 move his bed from the wall. The neighbour next door bangs her shoe on the wall, and I hit the ceiling, but he doesn鈥檛 stop, he doesn鈥檛 care. He does this weird tribal chanting sometimes, too. I feel a bit sorry for him to be honest: he only gets it once a month.鈥� Before the conversation can turn any bluer we beat a hasty retreat into the London drizzle.