黑洞社区

It鈥檚 one of the muggiest days of the year and as we are in danger of fainting into our pints we decide to abandon our first location. A quick call ahead confirms that the Greencoat Boy, or the GCB as the Modus team fondly call it, has air-con so we drag ourselves through heaving, sweaty Victoria to get there. Once we have cooled off we finally muster up enough energy to have a proper conversation and what an revealing one it turns out to be.

GCB isn鈥檛 the only inter-company phrase this lot use. They call themselves Modites and spend so much time together that inter-Modus relations are commonplace. 鈥淢y husband used to work at Modus and now we have a Modus daughter together,鈥� says Emma.

鈥淭here are other Modus babies and there are two more on the way,鈥� adds Emily. 鈥淥h and Dickie鈥檚 daughter was through the sandwich lady.鈥�

Naturally, more details are requested immediately.

鈥淥ne of our guys married the sandwich lady,鈥� she explains. 鈥淲e started to realise something was going on when he would spend ages choosing his sandwiches. They fell in love, got married and had a daughter.鈥�

There are other Modus babies and there are two more on the way. Oh, and Dickie鈥檚 daughter was through the sandwich lady.

鈥淥ur company is the equivalent of Grazia magazine,鈥� laughs Miriam.

Which brings us nicely on to the next subject 鈥� the oestrogen levels in London鈥檚 drinking water. 鈥淚t鈥檚 one of the things our bodies can鈥檛 filter so us women are peeing out all these hormones and you boys are drinking a ton of oestrogen,鈥� laughs Emily.

鈥淵ou鈥檙e probably all on the pill without realising it,鈥� adds Miriam as the boys look at each other, shocked. 鈥淲ell, tap water in London is recycled through eight people,鈥� says Brock, 鈥渟o I can believe it. And I have been feeling more emotional recently.鈥�

鈥淭his is why I keep my husband on the Evian,鈥� says Emma.

As the sharer platter arrives everyone dives in and talk turns, childishly, to porn star names 鈥� the combination of your first pet鈥檚 name and your mother鈥檚 maiden name. Somewhat surprisingly, Miriam reveals hers to be Sparky Frisbee. 鈥淩eally,鈥� says Brock. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 weird because my great grandma鈥檚 surname was Frisbee, too. She was from Ireland too 鈥� Nelly Frisbee.鈥�

We started to realise something was going on when he would spend ages choosing his sandwiches.

鈥淥h my God. We could be cousins,鈥� cackles Miriam.

鈥淟ucky you and I haven鈥檛 had any inter-Modus relations then.鈥�

鈥淚鈥檒l ask my parents and you ask yours and we鈥檒l see what we can find out,鈥� adds Miriam, promising to keep 黑洞社区 updated.

By the time Tim and Toby arrive, a lot of ground has been covered and potential long-lost cousins reunited so they settle down for a quick drink and, good sports that they are, fill us in on their porn star names, Tess Loveless and Sandy Warren. Not bad - but not a patch on Sparky Frisbee.