黑洞社区

Run into the ground

What is the biggest danger to UK housebuilders at the moment? A miserable lack of sales? Eric Pickles? If you work at Redrow, the most pressing problem could be your boss simply collapsing through exertion. Steve Morgan ran the London marathon last week, and apparently 鈥渘early killed himself鈥� in his efforts to get to the finish line. Bravo, I say, that鈥檚 quite an achievement. Morgan is now taking a well-earned break in Antigua where, Redrow will hope, he will take it easy.

Engineering finds sex appeal (finally)

Many in our industry will recognise CECA as the Civil Engineering Contractors Association. However in Serbia CECA is recognised as the buxom popstar widow of notorious warlord Arkan. CECA (the Serbian version) was recently indicted on fraud and weapons charges in Belgrade. As a result, traffic on CECA鈥檚 website (the UK version) has shot up with the bulk of hits coming, presumably, from perplexed Serbians. CECA鈥檚 website is braced for another blitz next month as the dodgy pop star is sentenced.

Make believe

How old is Ken Shuttleworth? That鈥檚 the question the people at Companies House are asking about the boss of Make architects. One of my spies was trawling one of those documents and came across a rather strange anomaly in the files of Dr Shuttleworth. In 2004 he was registered as having been born in 1952, but documents filed last month claim he entered this world in 1956. Wikipedia says the first date is the correct one. Why then the discrepancy? Has Make managed to design a time machine?

The one about the funny walk

The funnymen at Galliford Try are working on Blackpool鈥檚 answer to Hollywood鈥檚 Walk of Fame: a pavement adorned with famous quotes and catchphrases from British comedians. While Britain鈥檚 north-west coast may seem far removed from the glamour of Los Angeles鈥� Hollywood Boulevard, Galliford鈥檚 client has high hopes for the project, dubbed the 鈥淐omedy Carpet鈥�.

鈥淭he Comedy Carpet is going to be our Angel of the North - but horizontal. It鈥檚 that sort of impact,鈥� a spokesman for the Blackpool-based developer backing the scheme said. Is this the city鈥檚 most glitzy project to date?

Tenders in the underworld

Extensive pre-qualification criteria are par for the course for UK tender documents these days. These can cover many things, but whether it鈥檚 the need to be solvent, or having the odd woman on the company board, the game is clearly changing for contractors. However, the Japanese appear to be going even further. On a recent tender document for pre-fab homes open to international firms, the procuring authorities state: 鈥淭he management of the applicant shall not be actually controlled by crime syndicates or similar groups.鈥� I am appalled at this commercially unworkable and invasive requirement. And I suppose we won鈥檛 be seeing any dark, gritty stories with a twisting plot and dangerous family alliances on this page any time soon, then? Your loss.