黑洞社区

Noughts and crosses

Inefficiencies in public procurement have become a hot topic in recent years, which is why one of my hacks thought he was on to a winner of a headline after he spotted that the value of a planned construction services framework from the Crown Commercial Service had ballooned from 拢1.5bn to 拢8bn in the space of five months. The 430% rise proved to be a dead end, however, when a spokesperson clarified that the number was a typo and should have read 拢8m, not 拢8bn. Unfortunately, that was also a typo, as the actual value turned out to be 拢800m. A few harmless, misplaced zeros here and there shouldn鈥檛 be any cause for concern, though 鈥� it鈥檚 not as if the government is spending much on anything else at the moment.

Living in his own bubbles

For the thousands of leaseholders trapped in their homes by the cladding scandal, the pandemic was not the only reason to feel traumatised last year. Luckily, housing minister Chris Pincher was on hand recently to calm nerves 鈥�by recommending a 拢174 bottle of Krug champagne. 鈥淭his wine fair dances in its glass,鈥� wrote Pincher in his regular wine review column in the Critic magazine as he mused over the 鈥渘utty effervescence鈥� of the 2010 Grand Cru Cuv茅e. 鈥淥ne salutes champagne by sipping,鈥� he added. Not quite as enthused was Labour shadow housing minister Mike Amesbury, who called Pincher 鈥渢ruly out of touch and breathtakingly arrogant鈥�. From the torrent of abuse directed at Pincher over social media, it sounds like he might need to recommend something a bit stronger next time.

A few harmless, misplaced zeros here and there shouldn鈥檛 be any cause for concern, though 鈥� it鈥檚 not as if the government is spending much on anything else at the moment

Denial 鈥� a river in Egypt

With 22 Bishopsgate reaching practical completion last month, I鈥檓 reminded of the time a couple of years ago when former City of London chief planner, Peter Rees, was spotted leading a class of students around Shoreditch in his role as a professor of places at the Bartlett. Asked by one of my team what he thought of the building towering in the background, he said words to the effect that it wasn鈥檛 one of his. He鈥檇 left by the time it was approved. He was at it again last week, telling the Guardian: 鈥淚 wasn鈥檛 responsible for that one.鈥� It would seem, then, that he still hasn鈥檛 changed his mind in the intervening years 鈥�

Teacher鈥檚 pet

Home-schooling is all the rage right now and it鈥檚 fair to say it鈥檚 causing havoc for working parents across a range of industries, not least construction, which has been told to keep going during the latest lockdown. But there have been some more lighthearted moments since schools were shut at the start of the month. A colleague tells me his son鈥檚 class was asked to draw a pet by their teacher and then explain via a video call at their online registration why they would want it as a pet. One drew a cheetah 鈥渟o I can cuddle it鈥� and another drew a shark 鈥渟o I can take it to the park鈥�. My colleague鈥檚 son drew a cat 鈥渂ecause I鈥檓 getting one鈥�. Which was news to him.

Silence in class

One panicked construction dad was forced to stage an intervention at his five-year-old daughter鈥檚 online registration when her teacher asked the class what they were doing that weekend. His daughter replied: 鈥淲e鈥檝e got lots of people coming over.鈥� Worried dad, fearing a fine and being hauled before the beak, was forced to interject. 鈥淓r, that鈥檚 not quite true actually.鈥� He tells me his daughter鈥檚 mute button remained on for the rest of the conversation.