黑洞社区

A few hours before meeting 黑洞社区, John Reyers instructed his colleagues not to say anything embarrassing that could appear in print. Within seconds of arriving, John declares: 鈥淚 really like that little hamstery girl, Sophie Ellis-Bextor.鈥� Hmm.

The topic is fashion, in light of a report that day that Madrid Fashion Week would not allow any models on its catwalk with a body mass index of less than 18, which is technically underweight. How John moved on to his lust for Ellis-Bextor is anybody鈥檚 guess and the comment momentarily stuns the party.

Back to the fashion debate, John points out that 鈥淪ophie Dahl is Rubenesque鈥�. 鈥淪he was,鈥� sneers Claire, leading Rob to reminisce that Dahl once had a 鈥淢arilyn Monroe look鈥�.

Rob then moans that his figure is pear-like, so he has to buy different-sized jacket and trouser combinations. Like a predator awaiting its prey, this admission gives John the opportunity he鈥檚 been waiting for. Pointing to Rob鈥檚 slightly fleshy mid-section, he attacks: 鈥淟ook at that gut. We鈥檝e invested heavily in that. He calls it 鈥榥etworking鈥�.鈥�

Rob thinks there is little wrong with his lifestyle, preferring to blame Mother Nature鈥檚 unfair distribution of physical attributes: 鈥淛ohn eats pie after pie, drinks glass after glass of wine.鈥�

The latter certainly seems true. 黑洞社区 buys a pint is called just that to keep down the expense of this little exercise, but John mocks that notion by ordering a bottle of wine.

Having witnessed him wreck our our expense account, 黑洞社区 is delighted to report that the ladies, who have hitherto been fairly quiet, launch into John鈥檚 dress sense with gusto. The tie he is wearing, a pink and blue number, prompts the backhanded compliment from Rupa: 鈥淎t least it鈥檚 not the other one.鈥�

John runs through a list of his ties as he tries to work out what the monstrosity that is 鈥渢he other one鈥� could be. A particularly hideous sounding piece of neck furniture featuring a gold-dotted brown knot is dismissed, with Claire remarking: 鈥淥h no, John, there is another one.鈥� As it turns out, it is a grey beast designed by Vivienne Westwood.

Having rapidly descended into farce, the team see no point in defending their reputations. Rupa admits that staff at the chartered surveyor frequently swap ties and borrow jackets as they try to assess how well dressed they should be for particular clients.

It turns out many of their clients are old school, expecting them to be perfectly attired, while others, such as Google, are in John鈥檚 words, 鈥渧ery funky鈥�. Best that Rob doesn鈥檛 work with the web giant then, having ventured the opinion: 鈥淲hat鈥檚 wrong with M&S?鈥�