黑洞社区

鈥� tea and biscuits

Biscuits are the fuel that keeps the industry ticking, so don鈥檛 make the mistake of banning them altogether. You can still have an approach to biscuits that reduces costs without damaging staff motivation. Phasing out cream biscuits is an obvious first move: a ginger crunch cream costs about double the standard ginger nut. It鈥檚 less of a luxury, certainly, but actually better for dunking. You might also want to explore the coconut ring, which is exceptionally good value, possibly because instead of a cream centre, it has a hole.

New materials

Let鈥檚 face it, building materials aren鈥檛 cheap. Bricks, steel, tiles and copper aren鈥檛 getting any more affordable. So, why use these expensive materials when others are equally good and totally free? Wattle and daub served us well for hundreds of years, so start by bringing that back. Simply throw some mud and sticks in the back of your pick-up on your way to work and you can build your own rugged, weatherproof walls to well over three foot high. For larger projects, why not try Weetabix? Anybody with young children knows that when mixed with milk and left to dry, it has the load-bearing capacity of reinforced steel. For smaller projects, Duplo is an option. You can pick up basketfuls at boot sales for next to nothing. This will make later conversions a doddle.

One, two, skip a few

黑洞社区s projects are complex, but they also provide opportunities for economising. For example, when it comes to towers, you can be certain nobody keeps track of the floors. Simply miss out a couple, especially towards the top where even if someone was paying attention, they鈥檇 have probably lost count. Miss out floor 13, as nobody鈥檚 keen on that one anyway. This will mean floor 12 has very high ceilings, but it will give a much lighter, grander feel. It鈥檚 the same story (forgive the pun) with bridges. Do the chains holding up suspension bridges really need to be that fat? Slimming them down will put the 鈥渟uspense鈥� back into suspension.

Crane in the neck

When a big building project is under way, cranes appear on the skyline, but do we really need them? Did the Egyptians use them to build pyramids? No! And if they didn鈥檛 need them to build the Great Pyramid of Giza, do we need them for the small supermarket of Swindon? I think not. Use ramps instead and haul everything you need to the top. This will also make the journey back down more fun. For a bit of extra cash, consider charging parents for letting their kids use your site as a playground. Warehouse play centres, which involve climbing, sliding and general mucking about, are extremely popular, and building sites are tailor-made for this kind of entertainment.

Training

Construction is a tricky business and the people who work in the industry are highly skilled. Training is a vital part of this, but sadly is often pricy. On-the-job training is far more cost-effective. This could comprise 鈥渓essons learned the hard way鈥� modules, accompanied almost immediately afterwards by first-aid modules. Britain is famous for its creativity and this would be boosted by brickies, chippies, architects and engineers making it up as they went along without the burden of any kind of standards, procedures or professionalism. Think of the savings.

Tendering made easy

Preparing tenders is exhausting and expensive. Sometimes it feels as if it doesn鈥檛 really matter what you put in a bid, as the winner鈥檚 already been decided. You can save thousands by refusing to go through with this process. Instead, simply shout, 鈥淐hase me!鈥� and run off. If your clients really want you to build something, they鈥檒l come running after you. If they don鈥檛, then they鈥檙e really not the sort of clients you鈥檇 want to have anyway.

Go green

Environmental concerns are uppermost in the average employee鈥檚 mind, though perhaps slightly below beer. If you ask environmental experts (and there are millions upon millions of them) to closely oversee everything we do right down to the way we carry cement to the top of buildings and stir our tea, soon we should be able to let them take over entirely and build in a way that would be totally organic for them and much cheaper for us.

Architectural plans

Nobody would dispute that architects鈥� drawings are things of beauty, but let鈥檚 be honest 鈥� do we need to pay for that much detail? We鈥檙e all grown-ups and don鈥檛 need to be told how to do every little thing. Improvise! That鈥檚 how great breakthroughs are made. If things don鈥檛 fit together exactly, don鈥檛 get too wound up. It may well have a more relevant, contemporary, open-air feel. Most great ideas have been jotted down on the back of an envelope and there鈥檚 no reason why major construction projects should be any different. Just have a rough notion of what you鈥檙e doing and then start pouring the concrete. Relax!