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A trying morning at the London Reconstruction Commission. Before I鈥檇 even had a chance to get my wig out (I never put it on before I get to work since I cycle in), Charles II came flouncing through the door with that 鈥淚鈥檝e just had a good idea鈥� look on his face. 鈥淲ren!鈥� he expostulated. Then he waited for a moment while that chap who follows him around with the trumpet finished. 鈥淲ren,鈥� he started again, 鈥淚鈥檝e just had a good idea.鈥�

鈥淚ndeed, sir?鈥�

鈥淚ndeed, sir! You know what this commission needs, Wren? It needs to engage the public interest.鈥�

鈥淩eally, sir? I mean, I think we鈥檝e pretty much done that. We are rebuilding their homes and businesses after all. That seems to have piqued their interest,鈥� I ventured.

鈥淧ooh, pooh!鈥� said Charles II clicking his fingers at that chap who he has follow him around to make dismissive hand gestures as and when necessary. 鈥淚鈥檓 not hearing enough chatter about this commission. You need to be on people鈥檚 minds, on their lips. You need to be in the 鈥淲hat鈥檚 Hot鈥� bit of the town cryer鈥檚 proclamation and not the 鈥淲hat鈥檚 Not鈥� bit. Am I right?鈥�

鈥淲ell, sir, I 鈥撯��

鈥淣obody鈥檚 talking about it, Wren. Whenever I hear people on the street they always seem to be saying things like 鈥業s that the King over there?鈥� or 鈥榃hat鈥檚 with that dismissive hand gesture guy who鈥檚 following him around?鈥� Never anything about you shower. So here鈥檚 what you do: rebrand.鈥�

鈥淩ebrand the London Reconstruction Commission, sir?鈥�

鈥淕ot it in one. I鈥檝e had the chaps in marketing look into this and here鈥檚 what they鈥檝e come up with.鈥� The King unfurled a stitched vellum pennant on which was the legend 鈥淩ebuild!鈥� 鈥淚t鈥檚 your new name,鈥� he said. 鈥淚 had them do it in copperplate because I wanted a font that was funky and now and yet classy enough to say 鈥楬ey! We鈥檙e a top drawer operation.鈥欌��

鈥淪ir, I 鈥撯��

鈥淲ren, nothing gives a quango a sense of purpose like a with-it new name. Look what a difference there was in media coverage once I made the plague doctors call themselves the Bubo Dudes. So. You鈥檒l be getting new headed stationery, more calling cards than you can possibly use and an expensive office fit-out to reflect the new colour scheme and vision.鈥�

I know better than to argue with the King so I indicated my acquiescence with a slight bow. I had wanted to spend the morning looking at the replanning pitches that had arrived (in particular to try to fathom Baroness Hadid鈥檚, which she鈥檇 sent in the form of a m枚bius strip made of cedar bark in a pat of butter, to which was appended a note reading 鈥淚t鈥檒l basically look something like this鈥�) and so was keen to get the King on his way. He, however, had more to say.

This Portland Stone for St Paul鈥檚 can be renewed by geological processes every few million years. It is, therefore, sustainable

鈥淎nd we鈥檙e going to need some buzzwords. Buzzwords are the building blocks of talking points, talking points are the girders of debate and debate is鈥︹�� He raised his eyebrows.

鈥溾��chatter, sir?鈥� I ventured.

鈥淓xactamundo, as my wife might say. I鈥檓 thinking sustainability.鈥�

鈥淪ustainability, sir? What does that mean?鈥�

鈥淚t doesn鈥檛 matter what it means, Wren, people don鈥檛 know what buzzwords mean, they just like the sound of them. But if anyone asks, we鈥檒l say it鈥檚 about building materials. What were houses made of before the fire?鈥�

鈥淲ell, sir 鈥� wood, straw, rat filth, bits of old plague victim 鈥︹��

鈥淎ha!鈥� said Charles, pointing at the chap whose job it is to bang tables for him. 鈥淎nd what are the disadvantages of these?鈥�

鈥淚 suppose the principal disadvantage is that they go on fire, sir.鈥�

鈥淣o, Wren. For our purposes it is that these materials have no sustainability. You can鈥檛 just go round making new wood. Once a tree鈥檚 gone it鈥檚 gone. Whereas this Portland Stone you鈥檙e using for St Paul鈥檚 can be renewed by natural geological processes every few million years. It is, therefore, sustainable. That鈥檚 what we鈥檒l tell people. It鈥檚 all about the presentation, Wren. Just ask John Webb. How do you think he got that extraordinary BREEAM rating for Greenwich Hospital? He鈥檚 not known as John 鈥楥all The Thames A Fully Automated Waste Recycling Unit鈥� Webb for nothing, you know. Nope, you know what I always say: successful building鈥檚 about having all your ducks in a row. Why are your ducks never in a row when I see you, Wren?鈥�

鈥淚 think, sir,鈥� I said, looking sympathetically at the ducks flapping about, 鈥淚t鈥檚 because of that spaniel you always bring with you.鈥�

鈥淚ndeed,鈥� said Charles II, nodding. And with a quick 鈥淐ome on, boy,鈥� he tugged on the leash and swept out.