A cast of thousands, including Blears, Balls and some very unusual earplugs

Bashing Boris

Gordon Brown was praised for not aiming jibes at his Tory opponents in his speech, but his colleagues have shown no such reticence. Their chief target was London mayoral hopeful, Boris Johnson. Ed Balls called him a 鈥済affe-prone, quiz-show clown鈥�, Hazel Blears a 鈥渂igoted, upper-class twit鈥�. Not to be outdone, Ken Livingstone said: 鈥淢y good friend Boris is a ruthlessly right-wing 18th-century Tory. Whatever the issue is, he's on the wrong side of it.鈥� They鈥檙e not worried about Boris, are they?

Sleep well, Jonathan

The Olympic Delivery Authority staged an event on Monday evening to let delegates know about the various milestones on the way to delivering the Games. A loud woman from Aids charity the Terence Higgins Trust broadsided the panel, made up of Olympic dignitaries Lord Coe, Tessa Jowell and David Higgins, and former triple jumper Jonathan Edwards, by asking what the ODA was doing to promote safe sex during the Games. Coe stammered something about free golden condoms having been handed out at the Commonwealth Games in Manchester. Edwards, a born-again Christian, admitted to using his as earplugs. 鈥淚t鈥檚 very loud in Manchester,鈥� he explained.

Housing: Labour鈥檚 top priority

Fresh from his appearance at a 黑洞社区-sponsored RIBA event, Sunand Prasad, the institute鈥檚 president, bravely headed for the climate change clinic to dispense free advice to delegates on how to 鈥済reen up鈥� their homes. The architects probably predicted quick chats about insulation, solar panels and heat pump technology, but were assaulted by a line of MPs clasping A1 plans of their country houses for the green experts to assess. The lesson is clear: never offer politicians anything for free.