黑洞社区

鈥淏ritney? Waste of space,鈥� says Danny. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 care about her failed marriage. Jeremy Clarkson, on the other hand 鈥� I like him. Clarkson 鈥� what a legend.鈥�

It鈥檚 the quickest subject change in the history of 黑洞社区 buys a pint. Before we know it,the conversation turns to cars and why women are like them.

鈥淚t鈥檚 a timing thing,鈥� says Dean. 鈥淵ou may have a great girl or car, but how do you know she鈥檚 the best one out there?鈥�

鈥淭hen,鈥� chips in Danny, 鈥淵ou end up with a car with all the right credentials 鈥� a reliable, loyal family car you can trust, but sometimes you just want to whack on some alloys, put a spoiler on the back and take the roof down.鈥�

His comments are met with laughter from the unmarrieds and eye rolling from the two ex-bachelors.

鈥淚 like being married,鈥� says Anooj. 鈥淜nowing you have partner for life is a great feeling.鈥� We鈥檙e back on track. The conversation turns to whirlwind marriages. 鈥淚t can happen like that,鈥� says Anooj. 鈥淚t doesn鈥檛 mean it won鈥檛 work.鈥�

鈥淲ell it obviously didn鈥檛 work for Britney,鈥� says Paul. 鈥淧articularly not the first time. Annulments are tricky 鈥� 54 of the hours she was married must have been a nightmare of paperwork.鈥�

鈥淚 disagree,鈥� says Dean. 鈥淚 reckon they had 54 amazing hours of, you know, enjoying themselves and one hour of panicking.鈥�

鈥淚s Clarkson married?鈥� shouts Danny across the table, quashing all other conversation. The chat is back to fast cars and women.

鈥淢en compare women to cars 鈥� so what do women use?鈥� asks Dean. 鈥淪hoes,鈥� replies Tracy. 鈥淥r maybe animals.鈥� Error.

鈥淲hat animal? Why? What animals are we like? What do you look for in an animal?鈥�

鈥淪top asking me what animal I would want a man to be like,鈥� Bronwyn says firmly. 鈥淚 honestly haven鈥檛 given it much thought.鈥�

鈥淚 reckon a koala,鈥� says Dean under his breath 鈥� very odd.

As the afternoon slips into the evening, we discuss our celebrity lookie-likies 鈥� Tom Cruise, Craig Doyle and Rick Astley are popular choices 鈥� using company databases as dating sites and karaoke.

At the mention of karaoke Danny and Dean grab their beer glass mikes and belt out 鈥淵ou鈥檝e Lost That Loving Feeling鈥� in Top Gun style.

Through hysterical laughter, the 黑洞社区 reporter realises a pint of milk has leaked over her shopping. Dean has the answer. Taking the pint of organic semi-skimmed, he downs it in one, before partnering up with Danny again to serenade the table with their version of Unchained Melody.

We鈥檙e eventually kicked off our table and move on to the next bar, and the rest is all off the record.