黑洞社区

Chosen watering hole: The Duke of Cambridge, north London
Ambiance: Trendy eco-pub
Topics: The worst green ideas, protesting penguins, getting people in tune with the green agenda
Drinks drunk: 2 Eco Warriors, 1 St Peters, 1 Pitfield Lager

My favourite is the solar panelled toaster,鈥� laughs Jerry. 鈥淣o amount of eco awareness is going to make me wait three hours for a slice of toast.鈥� Oliver relies on reality TV to provide him with wacky ideas. 鈥淢y favourite idea was on The Apprentice when the contestants had to come up with a theme for a new set of greeting cards. They chose to create cards with messages urging people to become more environment-friendly. Alan Sugar鈥檚 reaction was 鈥榟ow the hell can you have eco-friendly greeting cards?鈥欌��

No amount of eco awareness is going to make me wait three hours for a slice of toast

While Sugar may not be a man to cross, Ian reveals he can match the entrepreneur鈥檚 wrath when dealing with over-zealous architects. 鈥淭he worst is when they come up with some idea they think is wonderful, such as a school with eight wind turbines. I mean, they wouldn鈥檛 even power a pocket calculator.鈥�

鈥淚 read a piece about a guy in Tokyo who is growing grass on the roof of his car to cool it down,鈥� chortles Oliver.

We need to have a zapper at every door that electrocutes people before they walk out if they haven鈥檛 switched their computer off

Next, we move on to the pesky problem of the eco-warrior鈥檚 elitist image. 鈥淢ost of them are white middle class graduates who just get people鈥檚 backs up when they drape banners across buildings at Westminster,鈥� sighs Ian. Oliver has a friend who chose a novel way of showing his displeasure at the actions of a mining company 鈥� dressing up as a penguin to protest at the site. But his courage failed him just before the police arrived. Hardly surprising given that his father was a senior officer at the Metropolitan Police.

鈥淪o what did he do?鈥� we ask. 鈥淗e waddled off when he heard the sirens.鈥�

So if eco toffs are a turn-off, how can you get the public more in tune with the green agenda? Jerry thinks drastic measures are required. 鈥淲e need to have a zapper at every door that electrocutes people before they walk out if they haven鈥檛 switched their computer off.鈥� When we suggest that this solution might be a tad sadistic, Jerry moderates his plan. 鈥淲ell, maybe we could do something with a swipe card to lock people in the building unless they have everything switched off. Obviously we would let them out if there was a fire 鈥� maybe.鈥� That settled, we take leave of the Duke of Cambridge and the trio return to battle.