黑洞社区

鈥淔uture votes Boris!鈥� declares David. It is the day after the hirsute MP for Henley finally announced his intention to stand for mayor of London, and already he seems to have the lighting design and manufacture vote sewn up.

鈥淗e鈥檚 a very clever guy,鈥� Angela assures us, before David goes even further in his admiration for the Tory candidate. 鈥淚鈥檓 going to bleach my hair to match,鈥� announces the (distinctly bald) managing director.

Not everybody is convinced. 鈥淗e鈥檚 a personality,鈥� says Mark, in a way that suggests this might not necessarily be a good thing.

But then, a little personality can go a long way in politics, particularly against an opponent who, according to Brad, may have lost some of his famous common touch. 鈥淜en does get on the tube, but I saw him on there and he鈥檇 wrapped himself up to avoid getting recognised. We were all in shorts and T-shirts, and he was in a long coat with a scarf wrapped round his face.鈥�

Mark is not prepared to believe Johnson鈥檚 PR skills are any more honed. 鈥淒id you see him turn up at the press conference with his bike? Nobody saw him ride the bike. It just looks good to say 鈥榶eah, I cycled from Henley鈥�.鈥�

Bikes are clearly on Mark鈥檚 mind. He and David are cycling from London to Paris in August for the British Poppy Appeal, and it is clear that a healthy sense of rivalry exists between the two.

鈥淢ark thinks he鈥檚 Eddy Merckx in a suit,鈥� David mutters.鈥淗e conned me. He said that with my lifestyle I couldn鈥檛 possibly cycle to Paris.鈥� This, apparently, compelled him to try, despite the fact that he 鈥渉adn鈥檛 been on a bike for 37 years鈥�.

Mark, who did the race last year and so has an air of underlying confidence, smiles quietly.

What is possibly more worrying for David is that a painful weekend pedalling to Paris seems to be all he鈥檚 got lined up by way of a summer holiday. 鈥淚鈥檝e never taken my allowance,鈥� he says. 鈥淭his industry works too hard.鈥�

Craig鈥檚 reluctance to go away this summer is a trickier problem to solve: 鈥淭he thing about holidays is that I don鈥檛 want to come back. That鈥檚 why I don鈥檛 go.鈥�

The consensus seems to be that we need to be a bit more European about our work/life balance, and take most of August off 鈥渓ike the French鈥�, with longer lunch hours over the rest of the year. 鈥淎n hour in the morning is worth two in the afternoon,鈥� remarks Mark wisely, sipping his beer with the air of a man whose period of peak production was some hours ago.

So there you go Boris. Fewer cycling stunts and better working hours 鈥� the people of London

(or Croydon, in Brad鈥檚 case) demand it.