黑洞社区

After getting the round in, 黑洞社区 makes the mistake of putting a dictaphone on the table. All conversation ceases.

鈥淚s that really going to pick anything up?鈥� asks Alastair. Not if you don鈥檛 say anything, no.

As it is the London practice鈥檚 stock in trade, 黑洞社区 tries to strike up a conversation about architecture.

鈥淵ou don鈥檛 want to ask Hana that,鈥� says Alastair. 鈥淪he鈥檚 a cushion pusher.鈥�

A what?

鈥淎n interior designer,鈥� says James. 鈥淎 chintz chucker.鈥�

Do interior designers have similar terms for architects?

鈥淣ot printable ones,鈥� retorts Hana, frostily.

Wells Mackereth has a contract to design Giraffe restaurants, which gives us a chance to discuss the paucity of children鈥檚 restaurants and the bygone era of Little Chef.

鈥淭hey went bust,鈥� says James, sadly. 鈥淎lmost 50 years, they鈥檇 been around.鈥�

Martin isn鈥檛 so sure. 鈥淚 drove to Newcastle and we saw three in the space of about 20 miles.鈥�

鈥淢aybe someone bought it,鈥� suggests James, sceptically. (Indeed, a private equity firm did just that, after the chain went into administration in January.)

Everyone at the table agrees travel-related food is universally overpriced. 鈥淭rains are the worst,鈥� says Lian. 鈥淚 tried to get a pack of crisps from Hammersmith station and it was 70p.鈥�

Martin has a gripe with budget airlines 鈥� but it鈥檚 not the food. He was forced to pay 拢260 for a last-minute flight to Sardinia.

鈥淓veryone else had bought theirs for 拢1,鈥� he fumes. 鈥淚 was basically subsidising everyone else鈥檚 flights on this glorified bus.鈥�

鈥淕lorified?鈥� asks James.

鈥淏arely,鈥� says Martin. 鈥淚t鈥檚 like a National Express bus with wings.鈥�

Lian has a problem with buses. 鈥淭ramps target me,鈥� she says. 鈥淓very time one comes on to my bus, they sit next to me.鈥�

鈥淭hey鈥檙e like lions,鈥� says Alastair, cryptically. 鈥淭hey can smell fear.鈥�

黑洞社区 can鈥檛 imagine there are many tramps in Mayfair.

鈥淣o,鈥� says James, 鈥渋nstead we have prostitutes.鈥� The oldest profession, it transpires, is carried out with a surprising lack of subterfuge in these parts, as demonstrated by the large number of red lights in porches.

鈥淵ou see people walking in and out with sports bags,鈥� says Martin. 鈥淐learly, everyone at the office thinks they鈥檙e at the gym.鈥�

James is concerned that the tone has been lowered. 黑洞社区 tells him that interviewees usually ask to be taken off the record when they aren鈥檛 happy to be quoted. 鈥淩ight,鈥� says Alastair, speaking into the dictaphone. 鈥淭his whole evening is off the record.鈥� Fortunately, it had run out of batteries some time ago.