黑洞社区

As handymen, it comes as no surprise that the Anyjob boys stumble across all sorts of human behaviour usually kept behind closed doors 鈥� stashes of pornography, for example, and evidence of strange sexual antics in some of London鈥檚 most well-to-do areas. 鈥淒oing this job, we have realised that most people are nice. But really weird,鈥� concludes George. 鈥淛amie, tell the story about that Irish lady.鈥�

鈥淵eah, that was a bit odd,鈥� says Jamie. 鈥淚 was painting this woman鈥檚 house and suddenly she skipped in wearing some paint-splattered denim dungarees. She was quite old and I wasn鈥檛 sure what on earth she was going to do next. It turned out she just wanted to help. I felt I should perhaps remind her that she was paying me. But hey, it was her house. If she wanted to help, then I wasn鈥檛 going to stop her.鈥�

Doing this job, we鈥檝e realised that most people are nice. But really weird

As the conversation continues it emerges that Jamie hasn鈥檛 just got a talent for bringing out the creative side in elderly women. 鈥淎sk him how many ways there are to get a cup of tea,鈥� says Alex. Too many to count, apparently, but he does reveal his favourite. 鈥淚f I鈥檓 doing electrical work I always say, 鈥業鈥檓 about to turn everything off, so is there anything you need to use before I do? The kettle, maybe?鈥� It works almost every time, that one.鈥�

鈥淎nd if you get a biscuit too then that makes such a difference,鈥� adds George, with feeling. 鈥淗onestly, that can be the difference between knocking the congestion charge and our parking off your final bill or not.鈥� The boys add that they usually do

鈥楧o you have any ice cream?鈥� no. 鈥榦k, what about cream? Can i have a glass of that?鈥�

get what they鈥檙e after in the tea department 鈥� the advantage of being young, strapping lads with a 90% female client-base.

Glasses drained, we decide to head to a Mexican bar near Waterloo. But alas, we get so lost we end up in the far less exciting All Bar One. Alex wants to order some food but the barmaid informs him that the ovens are off and that they have run out of dessert. But he isn鈥檛 giving up. 鈥淣o dessert? Do you have any ice cream?鈥� No. 鈥淥K, what about cream. You must have that. Can I have a glass of cream?鈥� 鈥淚 don鈥檛 think we can do that,鈥� says the barmaid, taken aback. But, perhaps realising she will have a fight on her hands with this one, she fumbles around under the counter and emerges brandishing a tube of Smarties. 鈥淎ha,鈥� smiles Alex, 鈥渢hat鈥檚 great. Thank you so much.鈥� 鈥淣o problem,鈥� she smiles, ever so slightly batting her eyelashes.

This impressive demonstration of how to charm free confectionery out of a complete stranger suggests that, more often than not, this lot probably do very well in their quest for biscuits, and chocolate ones at that.