黑洞社区

I feel it would be unwise to argue with setting up a tab, and not just because I鈥檓 in the company of lawyers. The Hand and Shears, according to David, used to be a famous stop-off point for criminals on their way to be hanged, and hidden down this winding London alleyway, I am not confident of finding an escape route if the need arises.

鈥淲e sometimes bring clients here,鈥� David adds, obviously keen to set his customers鈥�

expectations of success as low as humanly possible. Rupert adopts a different approach. 鈥淲e actually went to the church down the road for one client,鈥� he says, before musing: 鈥淲e really do need to invent a new time code for praying.鈥� So does the cider-drinking partner often take clients on such day trips? 鈥淲ell, maybe, but that鈥檚 dating.鈥�

While the now quite battered Tab 4 is sent back to the bar for another round, the increasingly slurred conversation turns to the campaign for plain English.

Rupert describes a complex mathematical formula for calculating is the simplest way to convey complex ideas 鈥� at which, apparently, The Sun does very well. 鈥淲ell,鈥� says Henry, 鈥淚 guess they鈥檙e very good at what they do. Which is: provide comic interest for people with short attention spans.鈥�

One forum in which words do run free is the internet, much to Aidan鈥檚 delight. He has devoted vast amounts of time to creating online reviews of coffee. 鈥淐offee鈥檚 better than wine for this,鈥� he insists. 鈥淭here are 800 flavours in coffee, wine has only 200.鈥�

Rupert, still drinking his cider, is clearly unimpressed, so urges Aidan to tell the tale of Kopiluwok, apparently the most expensive coffee in the world. 鈥淢onkeys excrete the beans,鈥� says Aidan. He鈥檚 far too excited about this.

The lawyers claim they don鈥檛 do internet searches on job applicants 鈥� explaining, presumably, how Aidan slipped through the net. But the lengths to which some people go to get a job with them are astounding. 鈥淪omeone from eastern Europe turned up in reception asking if he could have a job in energy and projects,鈥� recalls Aidan.

At this point, watching my increasingly vain attempts to keep pace with my note making, Arthur the barman puts two and two together and makes 20. 鈥淚f you need a new job, love, you can work here.鈥� Despite my feeble protests, the lawyers urge him to let me behind the bar. Left in charge and facing the (blood) thirsty lawyers, 黑洞社区 bites the bullet and starts pouring pints.