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The Capita crew have had a stressful day, so it might take them a while to warm up, apologises Richard McWilliams, gesturing to a point about two inches down his pint.

So what do the group want to talk about? There鈥檚 no hesitation: 鈥淩ugby!鈥� Or more accurately, the misery of their antipodean colleagues and how much they are enjoying it. 鈥淥ne guy I know 鈥� a Kiwi married to a Scot 鈥� asked if he could work from home,鈥� says the other Richard gleefully.

鈥淚 phoned someone the other day,鈥� says Tom Davies, 鈥渁nd his voicemail message said 鈥業f that鈥檚 anyone English, I know and I don鈥檛 care鈥�.鈥� The table hoot with laughter. 鈥淲hat鈥檚 the difference between a wallaby and a teabag?鈥� asks Richard McW. 鈥淭he teabag stays in the cup!鈥� They seem to have warmed up.

Rugby鈥檚 been affecting their relationships at home as well. Richard McW got in trouble with his fianc茅e for ruining a romantic day out to watch Saturday鈥檚 match; Richard P took his baby out for a drive just so he could listen to it on the radio. 鈥淚t doesn鈥檛 feel very green, taking out your two-litre car just to listen to the rugby 鈥︹�� he grimaces.

The conversation has somehow turned to the tallest man in the world 鈥� an 8鈥�4鈥� Ukranian, says Richard McW. Richard P was convinced the record holder was Chinese. 鈥淢aybe he moved 鈥︹��

They then debate how exactly you qualify as the shortest person in the world 鈥� when is shortness disqualified as a medical condition? For fear of offending 黑洞社区鈥檚 vertically challenged readers, we move on to world records in general. Has anyone ever attempted one? Tom Davies is ranked 42nd in the world in crazy golf. We鈥檙e impressed 鈥� but not as much as the other competitors who mistook him for Tim 鈥淎ceman鈥� Davies, world champion and crazy golf legend.

鈥淯ntil they saw him against the windmill,鈥� Richard P cuts in.

Richard McW sniggers. He鈥檚 thinking of a different type of windmill. 鈥淎 guy gets his old chap out and walks down the street in a jaunty fashion.鈥� He demonstrates with a helpful gesture. But windmills are stationary. 鈥淭he motion makes it easier,鈥� explains Tom D sheepishly 鈥� not that he鈥檚 tried it himself.

鈥淪hall we move on to religion now?鈥� Ciaran asks. He鈥檚 being sarcastic but Richard McW is already off. 鈥淚鈥檓 reading Richard Dawkins鈥� The God Delusion. It says anyone with a brain in their head 鈥� I鈥檓 paraphrasing 鈥� should be an atheist.鈥�

Ciaran groans. 鈥淔or the record, I鈥檓 a good Catholic boy.鈥�

Richard P takes stock: 鈥淪o far, we鈥檝e offended dwarves, giants, anyone who believes in anything.鈥�

And they鈥檙e only halfway down the first pint. The night is young 鈥�